The Smart, Irish Blonde

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.  She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.”  With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and […]

Killing me softly

The birds are leaving the nest.  One by one, it’s happening. I’m not referring to the House Wren birdies that have decided to nest in the hole in our rotten wood above our front door.  Not those at all. My first-born who decided to exit my womb 4 weeks early weighing 6′ 11 oz, is now 6’5″ and getting ready […]

The Norwegian Blonde

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town.  With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.  Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.  What make […]

My Dreams…in binder form

Dream Book re-do

On Christmas morning, before I could completely focus my eyes, I spilled my entire mug of my morning boyfriend, Joe, all over my nightstand, wall, bed, carpet and my iphone charger, which USED to work.  Not only was it disgustingly-sticky everywhere, but I was half-asleep after staying up until 2 am Christmas Eve wrapping Santa presents…and I hadn’t […]

Who’s taking their clothes off?

This is a totally true and a totally blonde story. So, I was in the produce section of the grocery store searching for the damn coconut water (gross me out) that my teenage boys love.  Of course, the produce guy was right there the first second I looked confused to ask if I was finding […]

It’s ALL clear!

Ramen Re-do

If you read my last post, you saw that I was in COLD/FLU hell. I still feel a little zoned-out and spacey, but I’m not hacking up a lung and not collapsing into a whining heap.  My family likes me again- depending on who you ask, I guess. Besides an occasional night with my buddy, […]

Waaahhhhh!

I’m totally crabby right now.  Downright pissy and creepy and yucky. I have a crap-cold like the rest of Dallas and the world, and it sucks. I am not a pretty picture right now.  Headache, stuffy, can’t breathe and completely out-of-it.  I look like a bassett hound- mouth open, drooling and BIG, SAGGY eyes.  I’m […]

Challenging my brain and my stomach…and arteries

Taco Pasta Bake

It’s so cold.  I can’t take it. Truth be told…it’s 50 with a low of 39. Yup, totally COLD to me.  It’s seriously baaaaad.. I mean, the first time I feel that cooler breeze and see a yellow leaf fall from the trees, I get so, so, so very sad and I can’t get warm. […]

FALLing back sucks. Or does it?

I’m so confused.  WHAT TIME IS IT? No, seriously.  This “Fall back” thing has thrown me for a complete loop this year.  I’m starting like a horse out of the gate at 6:30 a.m., and by 3:00, the confusion sets in. Two things that signify that Fall is upon us:  setting the clocks back an […]

A smart blonde

What did the blonde answer when asked what the capitol of France is?   “F”